My Guest Blog on Business Women's Finishing School & Social Club: Groundhog’s Day—The Working Mom’s Holiday

Working mothers should unite. Let’s lobby Hallmark for a new February holiday, one that honors the cornerstones of any working mother’s life—routine, consistency, schedules and predictability. Up with Groundhog Day!

Business Women's Finishing School & Social Club: Groundhog’s Day—The Working Mom’s Holiday

We don't love Conan, we love what he stands for

Everyone knows about Conan O'Brien and his nasty departure from NBC's Tonight Show. It's one of the Top Ten Trending Topics on Twitter. This week his show's ratings are, by his own account, up 50%. He's truly going out on top.

But why all the love for Conan now? Where was Team CoCo back in August or September or whenever Conan's ratings needed some propping up?

No offense, Conan, but these people don't really love you. They love what you're doing. When unemployment is at 10%, when a new job often means a pay cut, when a pay raise or a $25 gift card from your boss makes the news, we working-class folks can only DREAM of flipping off the boss.

Problem is, if we did that we'd probably get a boot in the butt instead of a $33 million severance package. And we need our jobs.

But we can dream. And we can watch Conan, and we can cheer loudly as he speaks for all the workers who want to stick it to the man.

To fit in something new, you have to take away something old

I was toying with different metaphors for the title of this post: one more ball in the juggle (too R-rated), one more log on the fire (too destructive), one more sandwich on my plate (too cutesy). But, in thinking about it, I realized that my juggle (or my fire or my plate) is already full. So to fit in something new, I have to take away something old.

First, the add: I'm trying to shift careers. I've spent the bulk of my working life in business communications as a writer, editor or project manager. I'm currently a contract worker and I'm fortunate to have a long-term gig with my former employer. I can put in as many hours as I want, but I'm trying to keep it to a maximum of 25 per week, which will leave me some time to do other things.

When I left my full-time job, I wanted to figure out what to do. I dabbled in online/magazine writing, which I love, but journalism is a dying--or at least low-paying--career. I waded back into the corporate world, which I sometimes feel is sucking out my soul. So, I've decided to try something that I love, or at least something that has some personal meaning to me. I'm studying to become a Certified Personal Trainer.

It's daunting. Not so much the idea of a career change--I can live with that--but the actual steps I have to take to do it. I have to study and pass a test!

It's been a thousand years since I was in college, and a hundred years since Grad School (which I never finished because life and jobs and pregnancy got in the way), so I have to remember how to study. In the past I was studying subjects that came rather easily to me. This is a whole new field, and I am dealing with a host of other priorities. I have a lot of sandwiches on my plate.

I know that I won't be able to find the time to study, so I have to make it. Which means it's time for some serious time management.

Here's how I'm going about it:

1. Follow the plan. I'm studying for the American Council on Exercise certification, and they have a 20-week study guide that I can follow. I'm on week two, and so far I've been keeping it up.


2. Schedule it in. I'm trying--with mixed results--to study for an hour each morning before I start work. Today I missed it, so I have to figure out a way to fit it in tonight.


3. Relevel my expectations. I'm a Type A. I like things how I like them. But I have to give up some of this control, so I'm trying to realize that with my momunteering, showing up is half the battle. I don't need to prepare and things don't need to be perfect.


4. Just say no. I was so proud of myself when I did this! Yesterday, I was asked to volunteer in Thing Two's art class but I said no (of course, I'll be at her Daisy meeting this afternoon).


5. Ask for help. This has been a tough one for me, I but I have to start asking for help around the house (or letting things slide--see #3 above).

I know that people who have jobs and kids and lives go back to school all the time. There are tons of websites dedicated to it (here's one: http://back2schoolmoms.com/). But it's hard.

What I'm starting to realize is that you can't just add something; you need to take something away. So in addition to the steps above, I've deactivated my Facebook page, I've unsubscribed to tons of email newsletters I get, and so far I haven't taken on any additional freelance work. Pleasure reading is on hold and I'm avoiding reality t.v. We'll see if that's enough...because it's up to me to make sure that all my balls stay in the air.

Don't Quit...yet. What to do before you give your boss the finger

Apparently people are going to be quitting their jobs in droves once this recession is over (links below).

Not so fast, people. Over the past month, I've had four conversations with four different people who hate their jobs and want to quit. I'm not a career counselor--far from it!--but perhaps they sought my counsel because they think I'm a role model. I did what fed-up worker dreams of: I actually quit.

The thing is, even though it's all worked out for me, I probably didn't do enough to save my job. And I wouldn't advise anyone else to do what I did.

(Background on my breaking point: I had started a new role in the company where I had worked for nine years. From the beginning, though, I felt alone and distrustful of leadership in the new group. Then I started to feel angry and bitter. Adding to that, I was under a lot of personal stress, so I felt toxic.)

By the time I left, quitting felt like more than my best option; it felt like the only one. In retrospect, it might not have been.

Here's the advice I wish someone had given me when I could think of nothing but walking out the door:

1. Talk to other people on your team and to people who used to report to your current managers so you can better understand how they are succeeding (or failing) in their roles. Of course, you need to be cautious in what you say, but I find that if you ask a few questions on how someone has been successful and what their experience has been, you can learn a lot. You might also be able to forge some deeper relationships with team members. And when you’re in the trenches, you need some good buddies.
2. Talk to people outside your group (but within your company) to see what else is out there. I'd pick five people who seem to have cool jobs to have an "informational interview." You can find out what they're doing, how they like it, and how they got there. And you might see opportunities...or you might find that maybe the grass isn't greener elsewhere.
3. Throw yourself into your client. I hate to sound like some CEO somewhere, but the truth is, I didn't care enough about my client when I quit. Maybe if you can get more involved with your clients, they'll see you more as a team member than as an outsider or a service provider. Once you feel valued, you’re invested.
4. Talk to your supervisor. The trick here is to not complain. Maybe you want to implement a "status meeting" where you outline goals and achievements for the week. Force your supervisor to give you 15 minutes every other week (at least) alone. He/she can't ignore you, and again you'll be building a relationship (see #3). At the very least, you’ll be compiling a list of your accomplishments, which might come in handy if do decide to leave.
5. Get involved in outside groups/networking. I’m a business communicator, so I joined the board of my local IABC chapter. Find a professional networking group and go to some events. Volunteer for a committee to build skills that you lack, or present yourself as an expert in an area where you know you're strong. You'll find out how other companies do things, and you'll start to see how much you really know about your field. You’ll definitely gain some perspective on your own situation.
6. Have a reason to leave each day. It doesn’t matter if it’s to cook dinner for your family, to walk your dog or to take a spin class. If you schedule something for 6:00, you’ll have a reason to get your work done on time and you'll have something to look forward to at the end of the day. As an added bonus, you’ll have something other than work to talk about with your friends.
7. Take a vacation. When I left my job, I was paid for six weeks of vacation. What if I had taken that time, even part of it, to relax, get my mind off work, and recharge? I might not have ever left.
8. If you’re still tired after your vacation, look at a leave of absence. I wish I had done this. Oh, how I wish I had done this!!! With a leave of absence, you can get a sense of what it’s like to really not have your job anymore. You might even figure out how you want to spend your time. Who knows? You might even miss what you were doing…or it might be the way for you to find your true passion.
9. Keep your eyes—and options—open. Polish off your resume. Look at job boards. Start networking. Even if nothing comes of it, it’s good to know what else is out there, and that you have options. You’ll feel powerful.
10. Own your choice. When you’ve run through this list and made your decision—whether you stay or go—own it. Don’t be a victim. Realize that it’s your choice to come to work each day. Making this active choice—without apologies—can make the difference in how you view your job.

If I were given the opportunity today, I’m not sure if I’d go back to my old company. But the next time I’m feeling lousy about my job, I’m not going to act on impulse either.

Links on how unhappy workers are:
Job satisfaction falls to record low in US, survey shows
Recession has left workers disgruntled, planning to leave jobs
Recession intensifies Gen X discontent at work

More reading on how to cope if you’re unhappy at work:
How to Survive in an Unhappy Workplace
Your Career: New Year Know-How

What if Tiger were a Cougar?

Okay, I know that this blog is supposed to be about work/life balance and all that. But I’m fascinated by this Tiger Woods debacle (just Google it. No need for a link). Not from a wife/husband standpoint or even from that of an avid golf fan. I'm enthralled by the marketing/PR/Communications predicament his entanglements have created.

I can't think of a female athlete or celebrity with nearly as much endorsement power, but look at Maria Sharapova, Serena Williams or Danica Patrick. Would their endorsements survive "transgressions" like Tiger's?

When Serena made her infamous outburst at the U.S. Open, people were clamoring for Nike to drop her. When college soccer player Elizabeth Lambert pulled the hair of an opponent during a game, she was crushed in the news and suspended from her team.

What would happen if any of these female athletes behaved as badly as their male counterparts? What if they were accused of having nearly a dozen extra-marital affairs, all while maintaining—actually peddling—a perfect and squeaky-clean image?

So, what if Tiger were a Cougar? Would the companies who pay those endorsements take this same “wait-and-see” attitude? I doubt it.

In the meantime, I can't wait to see the marketing fall-out from the fall of this formerly perfect pitchman.

Work-Life Balance: It's not just for parents

Yesterday I was at a board meeting of like-minded professionals. Since I usually work from home, it was a nice change to get dressed up (well, I wasn't wearing flip-flops and sweats, so I felt dressed up) and have a face-to-face meeting with people to discuss strategy and goals and tactics. Fun stuff!

What impressed me most, though, was the president of the group. Actually, I was a bit more than impressed--I'm actually a little jealous of her. She's younger than I am--she's probably younger than many of the people who were in the room--but she has a self-awareness and confidence that I'm not sure I'll ever have. She's leading a professional group and working full-time. And she's doing a bang-up job at both.

But it's not her leadership position with the organization that I envy, nor is it her full-time job. I could have both--in fact, I'm in a leadership position with the same group and have been offered a full-time job. Rather, I admire the fact that she has gone for an element of work-life balance early in her career--and it wasn't prompted by parenthood.

A year ago, as a newlywed, she was working for a cool, high-tech, high pressure company. The pace was breakneck and the hours were back breaking. When I was in a similar situation, I went for it: I worked the long hours and kept trying to climb the ladder. Not my friend. She realized that her marriage, her health, her own interests and development were more important than just work and sought to bring balance to her life. She stepped off the super-fast track and took a role at a company renowned for it's steady pace and employee-friendly atmosphere. Yes, she took a pay cut, but she gained so much more.

I love to hear stories of people without kids who seek a balance between work and life outside it. Too often "work-life balance" is a euphemism for "finding time to parent." This isn't always the case--for all the non-parent colleagues I have who spend way too many hours at work, I have others, like this board president, who are finding fulfillment outside of work. Another friend, who has a busy career as a marketing professional, has also gone to hairdressing school, is a landlord, and travels extensively. So what if she has no kids--she has a life than any of us would envy! Another friend is in a competitive sales role. She's successful, smart and attractive, so she's been asked time and again to mentor younger women and climb the ladder. While she tentatively agrees to be a mentor, she also politely declines the promotions. She's content with her current role and happy with her life--she has a lake house, a boat, a busy vacation schedule, and a good marriage. In her spare time she trains for triathlons. (Point to note: none of these people are Gen Y, who are so often credited with pioneering the work/life thing.)


Maybe we need to stop looking to Jack Welch and folks in the corner office for advice about work/life balance and start looking at all the regular people who go to work each day--and then come home to even more fulfilling pursuits.

Is my working causing my kids to grow up too fast?

A moment of self-doubt/clarity: is my working causing my kids to grow up too fast?

Thing Two is five years old and heading to Kindergarten in the fall. She's been at the same daycare for the past four years, starting as a toddler, spending two years in pre-school and this past year in a pre-kindergarten program. The school promoted academics heavily and she's already reading at an early first-grade level. We're proud of her, although we haven't pushed it.

She's a bit less advanced on the social side, tending to be shy and clingy. This summer, to give her a leg up socially, we pulled her from daycare and put her into the same Park & Recreation day camp program as Thing One. She had a fantastic first day.

The second day, though, she went on a field trip. She and 60 other little campers boarded a bus for an hour-long ride to an historical site. It was her first time on a bus and I was nervous. (Thing One was also on the field trip, but having been on buses before and being a really social animal, I wasn't worried at all about him.) I suggested that my daughter bring a stuffed animal to cuddle with on the way home in case she fell asleep. Was I nuts? Thing One thought so--he told her no way, so she put the big pink pig back on her bed. We compromised on a little puppy that could fit into the pocket of her backpack. I sent them both skipping off to their teenage counselors.

Later that afternoon, the skies opened up and lightning bolts crashed down. I was barely able to type because I was too busy chewing off my fingernails. You see, Thing Two is petrified of thunderstorms and I felt the immediate need to rush to her side. How could a stranger--one of the wonderfully energetic, but incredibly young, teenage camp counselors--comfort her? She needed her mommy, but I couldn't be there for her. Had I failed her?

The rest of the afternoon was fairly unproductive from a work perspective. Instead, I watched the clock until 2:55--pick up time is 3:00. I raced the quarter mile to camp, and when I got there I half expected Thing Two to be sitting on one of the counselor's laps, crying. Instead, I couldn't find her. That sent me into even more of a panic, although I was trying to appear calm. I scoured the high school cafeteria, looking in corners and under chairs. No Thing Two.

Finally I heard her froggy voice call "Mommy!" There she was, all big eyes and wet shirt. It turns out that she had gone to the bathroom straight from the bus. She seemed okay.

Then she hugged me and wouldn't let go. She wrapped her arms around my neck and her legs around my waist. I staggered a bit--her backpack threw me off balance--but I didn't let go either. As we headed outside, there was another boom of thunder and then Thing Two's very own waterworks started. She bawled into my shoulder. Her whole body shook. The camp director looked at me with worried eyes and told me that she had been fine all day. I nodded at him. I knew that she held it together until I got there.

So, yeah, I think sending her out into the world is making her grow up faster than her peers who have not spent as much time in daycare. But maybe that's okay. Maybe she'll learn some coping skills. And, for now at least, she still knows she's safe with me.